First of all, really ask yourself if you are ready to be in an involved, committed and monogamous relationship. Sometimes self-honesty is your best remedy for a lot of things applicable for most life choices. If you aren’t, no offense but don’t waste your other dater’s time if they are under the assumption that you are. I’ve wasted a lot of time with men who gave me that illusion – being in a long-term relationship sounded like a good idea but wasn’t something they actually wanted.
No more of this “You are looking for something more serious, and I just am not” three months into the relationship. Were you blind, deaf and dumb to not realize this in 90 days? If you are dating for longevity, really take the time to get to know your dater’s history.
Track record is also something I ask.
After a month or so, or when you establish that comfort level, ask why things went bad in their previous relationships. Know where your investment lies. It’s the smart thing to do, especially in the beginning.
“Who do you normally date?” is a question I ask frequently. When a man over 40 says “usually early 20s, small frame,” I know this man isn’t in the mindset for commitment. He’s in the market to have fun with quantity (most of the time). Infidelity is something I want to fix in the gay male community.
We get a bad rep because grown men make stupid and immature decisions and we don’t see anything as significant until we don’t have it anymore. Haven’t we all done that? “Are you ready to make his wants and needs your own?”
I hear and see this process all the time.
I went on a first date once where this guy immediately told me it didn’t matter if we were to get into a relationship because I was going to cheat on him anyway. Pessimism and generalization is never attractive. It’s probably one of my top pet peeves as a human being.
Everyone is unique in this world. I embrace uniqueness in my clients. I hate for myself or them to be treated like a towel, something we use every day, has one purpose and we don’t pay too much attention to.
Something a past boyfriend told me that peeved him was the fact that he felt he sometimes couldn’t have alone time when he and his past significant other were living together. I really make a conscious effort to let him have his decompression time. Don’t see it as you being invasive or nosy. See it as an opportunity to be a better lover for him by being a good listener. This should tell your potential partner you care and you are in it for the long haul.
Be selfless and do the little things like sending flowers, writing notes, and cooking surprise dinners. If you are too busy for these things, you aren’t ready. If you can’t get back to him in a timely manner, you aren’t ready. If you are afraid of rejection, you aren’t ready.
Are you ready to make his wants and needs your own? Are you willing to compromise? These things are what you should ask yourself if you are willing to fully commit.